i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
