you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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