it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
