i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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