he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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