YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
