Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
