I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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