Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
