part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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