Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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