I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think your dad took our porno
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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