Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize