shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Do you still have your period?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
