Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
