dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
