I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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