You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
