Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
