I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We need a shit load of segways right now
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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