I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
