the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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