Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
