Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She even gives head with a lisp.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
