you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
