what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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