The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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