So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
