Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
