I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
