got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
