Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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