I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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