Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
