i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize