If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
