why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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