I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
