Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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