tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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