you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
