The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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