grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
