By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
