some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
