Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize