remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
