how can u be prego again
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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