How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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