Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
