WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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