You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize