Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
