this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
