Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
