I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
