i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
