you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
