I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize