just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
