Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
