I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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