I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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