I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
