here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize