I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
