got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
