I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
