What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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