He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
