Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize