I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
