First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
