We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
