I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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