bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
