I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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