I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
