It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
