I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
